and already the stories begin...

Night one..Whittier CA.
Set up at the church here went up way faster than last time, probably because we had a few extra hands helping.
Starting to get a little nervous for our groups first "performance" tomorrow, for lack of a better word. But trying to remind myself who it is we are really playing the songs for.
The pastor here told us about his life, about his dealing with Crohn's disease ever since he was younger, and about the two times he had died, but came back to life. So heavy and crazy to think about, but his story allows him to be able to connect with people who are about to pass on a totally different level, and that is such a blessing. He described dying as being peaceful, which makes the whole experience sound a little more comforting.
Staying at a home with an awesome family (with many extended members) that conveniently live right across from the church. We talked about the depressing yet encouraging stories of losing loved ones that are behind so many old hymns (definitely makes me appreciate them more than I did before), and on a slightly lighter note a friend of the family described a story involving a recipe called Frosty Paws (an ice cream for dogs?) that she recently shared in a chatroom. Apparently a random person joined halfway through the conversation asking for the recipe. Turns out they made it for their new in-laws thinking it was a normal human dessert item and they loved it so much they added it to their church recipe book not even realizing the recipe is for their canine companions. I almost died laughing. Remind me to thoroughly check recipes before I make them in the future for any in-laws!
Off to bed..church in the morning and gotta be up even earlier to do some last minute alterations on the slides and get ready. I don't know if I'll ever get a hang of this getting up early thing.

Expanding horizons

So we started our week of training here on campus. I confess it's been hard to fully concentrate on the team when the weather has been so sunny and with other friends staying on campus. But it has been definitely exhausting.
We've been practicing at a local church, and already I'm proud at the progress I've been making in terms of learning the mediashout program, and even with my directional sense in terms of doing errands around el cajon and various parts of SD (have yet to get lost! ....knock on wood).
Trying not to get sick, even if that means forcing myself to go to bed earlier on some nights, and chug water more than I want to. The early mornings are definitely getting to me, probably should have trained my body before this, oh well.
Went on a good run tonight with one of my team members. Was so nice to be out on the track running in the dark under the stars and full moon, and I ran further than I have previous times running there! (Might have been because I was borrowing my friend's running shoes, she does track). Felt so good afterwards, although I'm sure I will be feeling it tomorrow...

Changing Seasons

So I realized today that I haven't been on here since school has ended and summer has begun. In many ways I'm still the same person dealing with the same struggles. But in some ways my life has changed. I've grown and challenged myself, and seen areas where I have been able to make a small difference in someone else's life. Or rather in a handful of Jr Higher's lives, girls with broken families and pasts, who have been forced to grow up faster then they should have to. But the resulting rewarding feeling of being able to pray for these girls and hopefully be someone they could look up to far outweighed the exhaust I was feeling from the lack of sleep and running around.
And that was just a week.
I am about to embark on a four week journey (SMT) with some peers turned good friends, and play worship music at various camps and churches along the way. I am beyond excited about this opportunity and the experiences it will bring, also hopeful, nervous, and honestly a little sad to be leaving my friends and family for a bit (didn't really hit until my Dad started tearing up when saying goodnight).
So with bags packed (and probably lacking something important that I won't remember until I get far enough away), an open yet slightly overwhelmed mind, and the prayers of those close to me I am ready to hopefully continue making a difference and take a break from concentrating on my life.
I also will try and update this with stories and whatnot soon.
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, to Him be the glory"

Laughter is the best advil

I had an epiphany today. On Wednesdays for some odd reason, I feel more pessimistic than on any other day of the week. Granted it is my longest day class wise, and the day I have my 3 hour night class that almost inevitably makes me late for Time Out.
Often it is so easy for me to dwell on little things in my head. To be overly critical about things I should have said, or situations I could have made better. No wonder I find myself exhausted most days.
My friend and I were just getting out of my Bible class, after my teacher legitimately flipped us off as we exited the classroom after a normal day's session, when we started talking. Surface level to start out with: weather, headaches, schoolwork, agendas. Until we reached a grassy area where we planned to simply lay our down our bags and bodies and soak up the warm sunshine.As our conversation got deeper, I realized that my friend and I were even more similar than I had originally thought. Often the thoughts she spoke resembled ones I myself had been recently mulling over.
The hour or so we spent just talking and relating and laughing about stupid things gave me the hope that maybe Wednesday's aren't so bad.
And that worrying about those trivial things only takes away from those moments of healing and connecting with those I care about.

Please hold..

So I am currently at the AT&T store waiting for my friend, and trying out the ipad..which is extremely addictive. It's amazing what a desire we have to stay connected with people, we can't go 3 hours without using our phone, we can't go two days without checking our Facebook. As girls we don't like going to the bathroom alone. Our culture has become more and more dependent on staying in touch with people at all times. Everyone always asks what my greatest fear is..while I normally respond with Killer Whales, I'm starting to think it's the fear of being disconnected.

Shuffle

     I apologize for the amount of time it has been since I last wrote on here. There have been a few extremely defining moments that have occurred since my last post. While I don't care to write the specifics, I will say that recently I have been working through the illustrations of destruction in my mind. Pictures from my past shuffle in my brain, intermixing with pictures I have seen of the devastation that has been occurring in Japan.
     While I realize the pain and confusion I have been dealing with is minor in comparison with that of an 8.9 earthquake and massive tsunami waves, the pain is nonetheless real to me.
   I have not lost my home, but I have lost something that I found comfort and familiarity in. I have not seen buildings crumble, but I've felt the shake of something I thought was solid. I have not been swallowed by water, but waves of emotion that one second seem easily conquerable, can in the next, seem overwhelming and unmanageable.
     I am not alone in these thoughts. So many others on campus are hurting as well. Day after day I overhear conversations about losing loved ones, about the workload that seems too overwhelming, about the personal struggles people are trying to make sense of.
     And all I can do is pray for a firm foundation.

Hamburger

Walked up to a girl sitting by herself in my night class tonight. As I set my books and laptop down on the desk next to her, I asked her what it was she was eating. I assumed it was a West Coast Chicken Sandwich from the cafe here on campus, because it is a sandwich I get regularly and am particularly fond of. I was surprised when she answered it was a hamburger. It definitely didn't look like any hamburger I had ever eaten but I decided not to press the issue further.
I feel bad admitting the fact that I have sat next to this girl for about the past five classes, and tonight was the first night I found out her name. When answering, her eyes shifted nervously from me to her sandwich, as if I was going to steal it from her.
Shelby.
I smiled expecting her to ask me the same question back, but she never did. After waiting a few seconds to be sure she wasn't going to say anything, I took advantage of the opportunity to go to the bathroom before our three hour class started, and left Shelby to devour her hamburger in silence.