Laughter is the best advil

I had an epiphany today. On Wednesdays for some odd reason, I feel more pessimistic than on any other day of the week. Granted it is my longest day class wise, and the day I have my 3 hour night class that almost inevitably makes me late for Time Out.
Often it is so easy for me to dwell on little things in my head. To be overly critical about things I should have said, or situations I could have made better. No wonder I find myself exhausted most days.
My friend and I were just getting out of my Bible class, after my teacher legitimately flipped us off as we exited the classroom after a normal day's session, when we started talking. Surface level to start out with: weather, headaches, schoolwork, agendas. Until we reached a grassy area where we planned to simply lay our down our bags and bodies and soak up the warm sunshine.As our conversation got deeper, I realized that my friend and I were even more similar than I had originally thought. Often the thoughts she spoke resembled ones I myself had been recently mulling over.
The hour or so we spent just talking and relating and laughing about stupid things gave me the hope that maybe Wednesday's aren't so bad.
And that worrying about those trivial things only takes away from those moments of healing and connecting with those I care about.

Please hold..

So I am currently at the AT&T store waiting for my friend, and trying out the ipad..which is extremely addictive. It's amazing what a desire we have to stay connected with people, we can't go 3 hours without using our phone, we can't go two days without checking our Facebook. As girls we don't like going to the bathroom alone. Our culture has become more and more dependent on staying in touch with people at all times. Everyone always asks what my greatest fear is..while I normally respond with Killer Whales, I'm starting to think it's the fear of being disconnected.

Shuffle

     I apologize for the amount of time it has been since I last wrote on here. There have been a few extremely defining moments that have occurred since my last post. While I don't care to write the specifics, I will say that recently I have been working through the illustrations of destruction in my mind. Pictures from my past shuffle in my brain, intermixing with pictures I have seen of the devastation that has been occurring in Japan.
     While I realize the pain and confusion I have been dealing with is minor in comparison with that of an 8.9 earthquake and massive tsunami waves, the pain is nonetheless real to me.
   I have not lost my home, but I have lost something that I found comfort and familiarity in. I have not seen buildings crumble, but I've felt the shake of something I thought was solid. I have not been swallowed by water, but waves of emotion that one second seem easily conquerable, can in the next, seem overwhelming and unmanageable.
     I am not alone in these thoughts. So many others on campus are hurting as well. Day after day I overhear conversations about losing loved ones, about the workload that seems too overwhelming, about the personal struggles people are trying to make sense of.
     And all I can do is pray for a firm foundation.

Hamburger

Walked up to a girl sitting by herself in my night class tonight. As I set my books and laptop down on the desk next to her, I asked her what it was she was eating. I assumed it was a West Coast Chicken Sandwich from the cafe here on campus, because it is a sandwich I get regularly and am particularly fond of. I was surprised when she answered it was a hamburger. It definitely didn't look like any hamburger I had ever eaten but I decided not to press the issue further.
I feel bad admitting the fact that I have sat next to this girl for about the past five classes, and tonight was the first night I found out her name. When answering, her eyes shifted nervously from me to her sandwich, as if I was going to steal it from her.
Shelby.
I smiled expecting her to ask me the same question back, but she never did. After waiting a few seconds to be sure she wasn't going to say anything, I took advantage of the opportunity to go to the bathroom before our three hour class started, and left Shelby to devour her hamburger in silence.

Quote

Took this photo on the way to class

Being loved by someone gives you strength

While loving someone deeply gives you courage

-Lao Tzu

I have been reflecting on this quote for awhile now. Ever since I first saw it in a book (in Anthropologie obviously) and took a picture of it with my phone (and proceeded to make it my main background) I have been kind of obsessed. 
Not only is the quote precious, it is so extremely true. 
Being loved instills a unique kind of confidence in a person. And loving someone else enough to take risks and make sacrifices can definitely be scary at times. 
I am lucky to have been able to experience both feelings.

Only one Bachelor left in the world

I don't get addicted to too many shows. If I took the time to intentionally catch up on the one's my friends watch, I would probably thoroughly enjoy them.
But for some unexplainable reason, I have been watching The Bachelor this season.
The lucky guy is named Brad Womack, a 38 year old dirty blonde-haired Texan, looking to find love..for the second time. He apparently was on the show a while back, and after breaking some hearts, he left after not proposing to anyone.
He now claims to be a changed man.
While I haven't seen all the seasons, the episodes I have seen have some obvious patterns. The drama (the obvious result of putting a giant group of emotional, single, drunk girls in a house and having them compete for one male), the roses (awarded to every girl who can make it to the next level and avoid elimination), the exotic locations ( I can't help think about the piece we just read by Jamaica Kincaid about being tourists; traveling to poverty stricken areas to enjoy ourselves), and of course the host: Chris Harrison.
Yet still, I watch. I stay hooked waiting to find out if my "favorites" advance onto the next round, waiting to see which one he will choose.
These women have become a box of chocolates, waiting for Brad to sample each one until he chooses one he so desires, and place the other half-eaten ones back in the box.

Leaves

Today is a blustery day. Walking to class, I had to clutch my sweater tighter around me in an attempt to add some warmth from the hectic and crisp wind surrounding me.
Every day, it has become my routine to walk up these stairs (I realize I mentioned these stairs in an earlier post).
In the process of walking up them, I looked up and saw leaves swirling around in the wind. Carried about, just out of reach.
At this point in my life, I have so many opportunities, ideas, plans, and hopes that are floating around me. While usually my tendency is to get overwhelmed, or go out of my way to force an opportunity to happen, I am in the process of trying a new way to approach these things. In that, I let them approach me, and trust the force behind them.
Finally I reached the last step, and started walking forward until I heard a crunch. I looked down to see that I had stepped on a brown leaf that had fallen to my feet. I stared at it for a brief moment.
Then continued walking..